Navigating Girl Drama: 20 Ways Schools and Parents Can Help Calm the Storm
It starts with a whisper. A rumor is started, and it spreads like wildfire. Girls become divided, friendships are ruined, and reputations are tarnished. This is girl drama, and it can be extremely harmful to girls both mentally and emotionally.
In this blog post, we will discuss how schools and parents can help girls to navigate girl drama before it becomes a problem. We will also look at some strategies for the classroom for social emotional learning.
How can parents teach girls to get along?
Parents are the most important resource for stopping girl drama. They can teach their daughters how to be low-drama, and they can encourage them to avoid drama at all costs.
Be a low-drama role model.
It’s going to be hard to teach your daughter to avoid girl drama if you’re a bit of a diva yourself. If you catch yourself gossiping about other women in front of your daughter, she’s going to internalize those behaviors. If you look for the worst in other people, she’ll do the same. Try to be a positive role model for your daughter, and she’ll be more likely to follow your lead.
Most girls benefit from raising their self esteem, especially as puberty hits. If girl drama is taking a hit to your daughter’s confidence, check out this post.
Model healthy communication.
One of the best ways to prevent girl drama is by modeling healthy communication. If you and your partner are constantly fighting in front of your kids, they’re going to learn that’s how relationships work. They’ll also learn how to dish out insults and start feuds. Instead, try having calm, constructive conversations in front of your kids. They’ll see that disagreements can be resolved without resorting to drama.
Talk about drama.
If you see something happening in your daughter’s life that is causing her to react emotionally, talk to her about it. Ask her what’s going on and offer your support. Let her know that she can come to you with anything, and be a listening ear. If she can talk things through with a sensible adult who can help her see multiple sides of the same conflict, she’ll be less likely to cause problems at school and in other social settings.

Teach the importance of kindness over winning.
When moms and other role models behave in a cut-throat manner and insist on “winning” at all costs, they aren’t modeling low-drama behavior. Sometimes, it’s more important to be kind and a peace-maker than it is to be right. This is a lesson that girls need to learn early in life.
Sometimes, even when you know you’re right, it’s best to walk away from an argument and be the bigger person. Many girls don’t know this intuitively; they must be taught to walk away and rise above the conflict.
Teach women’s history.
Women are often taught, implicitly and explicitly, that female relationships are competitive rather than cooperative. In reality, throughout history, women have banded together for the common good of their communities and families more than they’ve been divided by petty squabbles.
Look for books about real women in history who hold the values you’d like your daughter to possess. Teach her that great people don’t spend time thinking about other people, they think about ideas. Give her positive female role models to admire.
Here are some of my favorite books for teaching women’s history. No matter your daughter’s age, see if you can get her to read these books together and talk about the qualities of the women.
This is a great choice for upper elementary school girls. It’s a picture book. The language is kind of challenging, so you may need to talk about the historical context for these little mini biographies of women.
React carefully to upsetting girl drama.
Many moms will instantly assume their daughter is in the right, and will react quickly and in a volatile manner to accusations of meanness or bullying. However, before jumping to conclusions, it’s important to carefully assess the situation. Drama can often be exaggerated or misinterpreted. If you react emotionally to every little conflict your daughter has in school, she will learn that emotional outbursts are the best way to get her mom’s attention.
Talk about real friendship often.
Most girls that are struggling with girl drama lose their sense of what makes a quality friendship, especially if they’re older and quietly worried about social status. It’s important to talk about real friendship often with your daughter.
What makes a good friend?
How do we treat our friends when they’re having problems? What do we need from our friends when we are struggling? How can you tell if someone is being a true friend, or just putting on an act until it benefits them to be friendly with you again? Asking these questions and talking through them will help your daughter develop the social skills she needs in order to avoid girl drama.

Model humility and personal growth.
Unfortunately, if we aren’t modeling humility and personal growth, we are teaching our daughters that it’s bad to admit when we’re wrong. It’s important to teach girls that it’s okay to make mistakes and apologize if they’ve done something wrong. No one is perfect, and we can all learn from our mistakes.
Begin by recognizing and apologizing for your own shortcomings. Model the behavior you want to see in your daughter.
Practice forgiveness in your own home.
Practice forgiveness with your children and spouse, too, because learning to forgive while still setting boundaries is essential for stopping girl drama.
Forgiveness is a huge part of low-drama life. In order to teach this skill to our daughters, we must model it ourselves. Helping kids practice forgiveness in the home will help them forgive others at school and throughout their lives.
Some people think forgiveness is a sign of weakness, but you can forgive someone and set clear boundaries for future behavior, too. Forgiveness means that you’re willing to move past the incident and say, “I forgive you,” to the other person. That’s not the end of the conversation, though. You should still discuss what you won’t allow in your relationships going forward.
Teach empathy.
Empathy is a skill that many adults lack, so it may be hard for us to teach our daughters how to empathize with others. When someone has wronged your daughter or behaved badly towards her, talk about why this person might have reacted the way she did. Was she jealous of your daughter? Did she feel threatened by her in some way? Is it possible that she was just having a really hard day?
These are situations where there may not be an obvious right or wrong side – but you can help your daughter see multiple sides of every conflict by modeling empathetic behavior toward those who wrong you, too.
Don’t overindulge in girl drama – look for balance.
If you become overly caught up in your daughter’s girl drama, you’re subconsciously rewarding conflict and giving it oxygen. Instead of getting caught up in the details, take a step back. Don’t ask your daughter to retell the story over and over. Help her see multiple sides of every conflict by asking questions like “How do you think she was feeling when that happened?” or “What could you have done differently in order to prevent this problem from happening again?”
At the same time, don’t shame your daughter for being hurt or having feelings.
It’s important not to dismiss your daughter’s emotions by shaming her for being hurt or upset – but it is also unhealthy to encourage her to dwell on negative emotions too long before moving forward with forgiveness and acceptance. Here are some things NOT TO DO:
“You’re overreacting.”
“Get over it already.”
“Move on.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
These phrases will only make your daughter feel like she can’t trust her own judgement or emotions, and that her feelings are wrong.

Don’t fight her battles, but do coach her consistently.
As her parent, you don’t need to solve all her problems for her. You should not be calling other parents on her behalf, or emailing the teacher constantly.
This robs her of life skills she desperately needs to learn. However, you should be a consistent coach in her life – offering guidance, advice, and support when she needs it. Let her know that you’re always there for her, but also respect her enough to allow her to try things on her own and make mistakes.
Keep her talking and sharing with you.
The best way to avoid or resolve girl drama is open communication between girls and their parents/guardians. If your daughter feels comfortable talking to you about anything and everything (including girl drama), she’s less likely to bottle up her feelings and let them fester into something bigger.
If you shut her down or make her feel guilty for the way she’s feeling, you’ll struggle to remain a confidant.
Create opportunities for her to share with you, and be sure to listen attentively when she does. If you’re not sure what to say, or you’re afraid to say the wrong thing, it’s okay to just sit in silence and listen while you process.
Encourage her to find a female mentor.
The truth is that our daughters don’t always want to listen to us, and sometimes, other women can help.
One of the best things we can do for our daughters is help them find a strong female role model in their lives. This doesn’t have to be a parent or guardian – it could be an aunt, older sister, family friend, or teacher. A mentor can provide emotional support, guidance, and advice during times of girl drama (and beyond). Plus, it’s always helpful for girls to see successful women thriving in various aspects of their lives!
Be a mom, not a bestie.
A best friend will often just tell us what we want to hear, particularly in younger girls. A mom will tell us the hard truth and help us navigate difficult situations. If you want to be a good mom, don’t just encourage your daughter to feel better or take her side – but instead, teach her how to resolve conflict on her own by finding solutions together.
Work to improve communication between girls and their parents and teachers.
A lot of girl drama could be avoided if there was better communication between girls, their parents, and their teachers. Often, we don’t even know what our daughters are dealing with at school until it’s too late. Similarly, our teachers can be pretty oblivious; after all, they’re dealing with 25 students at once, each with different needs and academic challenges.
You don’t need to tattle on other girls, or ask the teacher to solve the problem. Your teacher email can be a simple heads up, like this:
Hi Ms. Teacher,
I wanted to let you know there’s some conflict brewing between my daughter, friend 1, and friend 2. We are working on social skills at home, but please let me know if you notice any troubling behaviors.
Sincerely,
Mama

More conflict resolution content for kids…
How should elementary schools and teachers deal with girl drama?
Schools have an important role in stopping girl drama as well. Schools should take a proactive approach by teaching girls what is acceptable behavior and what behavior is not acceptable.
Many elementary schools are now incorporating social emotional learning (SEL) into their curriculums. SEL helps children to understand and manage their emotions, set boundaries, empathize with others, and resolve conflicts peacefully.
Social Emotional Learning is an important life skill that helps children learn how to make friends, build relationships with adults, manage their emotions, overcome challenges and conflicts peacefully, set goals for themselves and work towards them consistently over time…and so much more! It’s never too early to start teaching kids these skills so they have them before they enter puberty when hormones are raging and peer pressure is mounting.
Restorative Circles and Other Restorative Practices
Restorative Circles can create a safe space for girls (and the whole class) to talk about how they’re feeling. If you’d like to learn more about restorative circles and other restorative practices, there is tons of information here. I also have a post about how restorative circles were a game changer in my classroom.
I found that drama of all sorts was much lower when I was using restorative circles. Kids learned to see each other more completely, and were much kinder to each other as a result.
Teaching Social Skills with Teachers Pay Teachers
I started to try and hand select some TPT products for teaching social skills, but the options were overwhelming! You should be able to select your grade level using the filter on the right, and find countless options that suit your classroom and unique situation.
Monitoring for Bullying Behaviors
It’s important to stop girl drama before it escalates to bullying behavior.
There are many red flags to look for when monitoring for bullying behavior.
If you see any of these signs, immediately double check your campus handbook and training videos, making sure to involve administration when necessary (and preferably before parents need to get involved).
-Girls fighting or arguing over trivial things
-Bullying others through social media or in person
-Teasing or making fun of others regularly
-Excluding others from activities or conversations on purpose
-Continuously putting down other girls verbally or physically
Nip girl drama in the bud quickly without getting too involved.
As a teacher, it’s important to nip girl drama in the bud quickly, but you also don’t have the time to behave as each girl’s personal counselor. There’s already too much on your plate, so make use of your campus counselor before matters get worse. Don’t be afraid to call home if you overheard a mean comment.
If girl drama is a recurring issue, it may help to set up some girl time each week where girls can discuss their problems in a safe space. You do not need to be the person to facilitate.

Teach the difference between tattling and telling.
If you allow tattling to go unchecked in your classroom, you’ll reach a point where kids are constantly creating a negative environment. You’ll have girl drama, girl fights, and girl bullying. Not to mention, it’s pretty annoying!
Before you know it, your classroom will be a place where girls feel unwelcome because there is so much girl drama.
In order to prevent this from happening in the first place, make sure to teach kids about tattling versus telling early on in the school year. (You can learn more about teaching tattling vs telling here.)
I found that when I made a consistent effort to stop girl drama before it started – by setting up clear boundaries for appropriate behavior and enforcing consequences – we had a positive classroom culture with very little conflict or negativity throughout the year.
Concluding Thoughts
We can help our daughters and students to navigate girl drama by being there for them as confidants, teaching them problem solving skills, and encouraging open communication between everyone involved. Let’s work together to create a safe and positive environment for our girls – one without girl drama! Thank you for reading.